


I Miss You

by Darcyshire



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (Symptoms of) PTSD, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, PTSD, This is so sad I could d i e, don't ask me what I've done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darcyshire/pseuds/Darcyshire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is this what losing the other of your soul feels like, Marius wonders. Because if there was one way to describe this pain, that would be it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You

As the phone rings, Marius’ heart speeds up. He feels hope blooming in his chest, but the rational part of him stamps it down. He knew what was coming. Enjolras’ smooth, strong voice replaces the dial tone and Marius smiles. He lay in his bed, phone pressed to his cheek as Enjolras went on before the tone cut out.

“Hey,” Marius whispered. “I just wanted to let you know that I loved you.” Was all he said, voice cracking on the last two words before he ended the call, only to redial the number once more with shaky fingers. Rolling over, he pulled his knees to his bare chest, hugging himself tightly, phone setting on the side of his head. He felt a deep ache beginning to gnaw at his chest, right where his heart lay as he listened to the rings. It was when the voicemail pick up again did he finally break, hot tears spilling across his nose as he cuddled into himself, phone slipping. Enjolras’ voice faded, leaving nothing in its place.

Marius does this every night, hoping he can forget. Hoping everything will be right in the morning if he just keeps redialing. Hoping and praying that this is all a nightmare and he’ll wake up soon with loving embraces and kisses and cuddles and murmurs of ‘I love you’ early in the morning.

Yet Marius knows what this is. It’s real and its not going to change.

Nothing can change the fact that Enjolras died two months ago.

Nothing can tame or soothe the ache that settles in Marius’ chest every morning when he wakes up. Nothing can stop the tears that flow when Marius finds an old coat, or a crumpled note from Enjolras saying something along the lines of ‘Early protest, see you tonight -E’.

Nothing can bring him back. 

Sometimes Marius can feel his arms around him late at night as he lay alone in their old apartment, eyes settled on Enjolras’ books. Sometimes, Marius gets up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep just to open one and read the notes Enjolras scribbled in the margins. 

Sometimes, Marius thinks he’s heard him. When he’s lost in his thoughts, eyes on his coffee cup in front of him (He’s begun drinking it like Enjolras: Two sugars, no cream) he hears him. His name is whispered in a fond tone that jolts Marius out of his thoughts, head whipping around as he searches for Enjolras.

He aches when he can’t. 

* * *  
After six months, Marius wondered if this is what it’s like to lose half of your soul.

After nine months, he’s sure there’s nothing left for him. He barely left the house and ignored any callers. Grantaire had been to visit once or twice, but after the last visit, he could tell he wasn’t wanted. Eponine stopped coming around a month after Enjolras died. It may have been the way Marius snapped late one night when she appeared that drove her away.. That seemed to be all Marius was doing now: driving people away instead of letting them in. 

After one year, he begins to have dreams. Dreams that involved groaning metal, shattering glass and a cry of pain that jilted Marius so deeply that he couldn’t sleep for hours afterward. Sometimes -on very rare occasions- Marius would sleep peacefully, dreaming of Enjolras and only Enjolras. They would sleep closely, arms wrapped tightly around each other, Enjolras’ lips pressed to his hairline, peppering his forehead with kisses every now and again. It was as if he knew what was going to happen to him.  
Marius could only gaze up at him, breath catching as he beheld the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Enjolras was beautiful to begin with, but the moments he truly shone were in the morning when he wasn’t quite awake and his hair was still a mess. 

Those mornings were always the best.

Until Marius woke up with nothing but an ‘I love you.’ echoing in his ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, well, once I scrape myself up off the floor I'm going to write a heated makeout scene between these to just to apologize.


End file.
